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(2004-12-27 18:27:35)
김수현
날적이 배달 또 함다~~~SEVEN!!!
98년 2월 9일 월요일, 갑작스런 눈보라...글터룸에서 조난당하다(?)
룸을 청소한지 어언 며칠이 지났다. 오늘은 단대방에서 기름을 훔쳐다
난로까지 따뜻하게 피워났건만..오늘도 글터는 나혼자 지킨다.
어긋나고 비켜가고 참 쓸쓸하다. 징허게 옆구리 허전한 겨울저녁이다.
창 밖은 온통 설탕가루를 뒤집어 쓴것처럼..., 기분 나쁘게 예쁘다.
또 다시 , 스물스물 잊었던 단어하나가 떠오르기 시작한다. 내 의지는 참으로
여러가지 일들로 인해 억압되고 잠식당한다. 오늘은 헤겔을 공부했다.
음.... 여전히 담배는 끊지 못했고 불면증도 떠날 생각을 하지 않는다.
지난한 생이다. 하지만 여전히 꾸역꾸역 살아있는건 아마도 죽는다는 건
살기보다 백배 천배 힘든일이기 때문일꺼다.
간혹 아주 운좋게 어느날 갑자기 죽어버리는 사람들이 있긴 하지만..
나에게 그런 운좋은 일이 생긴다고 해도 그다지 아쉽거나
섭섭하진 않을꺼 같다. 음~하지만 시집도 못가보고 죽는다면
그건 좀 안될 것 같다. 뭐 크게 아쉬운건 아니다 뭐 별다르겠어?
22년째 2월을 맞아봤지만 역시, 죽지 못해 산다는 말이 맞는거 같다.

----->
누굴까?? 어느 선배가 썼을까? 글씨체를 보아선, 누군지 대충 짐작이
가긴 하는데..흠..창 밖은 온통 설탕가루를 뒤집어 쓴것같은 날이 조만간
생겼음 한다.

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